When I first learnt of Matrimonial websites, I was befuddled. How could someone choose a spouse via the Internet - a seemingly impersonal mode of coming together? Of course, I had not imagined that the presence of most of my friends would be verily virtual and through the social networking portals. Now, years later, having had a glimpse of how indifferent the word-of-mouth model of marriage engineering is, I'm tempted to heed Chethan Bhagat's endorsement of a cyberspace match maker.
The word-of-mouth model, which I had presumed to rely on references much like the corporate hiring scenario, is mostly selfless - read, facilitated by scouts who are apathetically altruistic. These well-meaning individuals propose possible alliances, picking, informed by the age of the one wanting to wed, from their list of the nubile or the unmarried. They do consider some other factors, too. So, how is it indifferent?
I did assume that one would venture to suggest a bride for me only if they were, at least, faintly aware of the equation moulding the evolving locus of my life view. I was, perhaps only to my surprise, mistaken.
Pursuing engineering, when confounded by the lack of a companion, a cousin had advised me to not take my eye of the scholastic obligations. 'You need to knuckle down, graduate with flying colours, and secure a well-paying job. Only then will you be allowed into the marriage market.' I found the notion detestable, but I did not bother much about it; I wasn't in desolate enough a situation to have to be prodded to learn my subjects by the fear of an inescapable bachelorhood.
I graduated and joined a company in Bangalore. Job title? Software engineer! Apparently, this designation is the blue-chip in the bride and groom bazaar. Soon, I heard murmurs of some remotely acquainted 'relatives' inquiring with my parents about my marital plans. Although I mostly laughed off the ludicrous suggestions, it was nice to be wanted.
Then, I quit my job to pursue something that drew me more and depressed me less. Much like an IT share tumbling due to low quarterly earnings, my stock, too, plummeted. I was beginning to grasp the market metaphor.
Cutting a long story short, I'm employed again with an IT giant, though in a different role, and the scout-and-tout team have put a 'BUY' label against my name. Although I despise that the advice was based on my payslip and not my potential, it still had something to do with me. (As I read this post again, I find it oddly humorous that the payslip is the criterion, given that I'm not employed in an enterprise unspokenly obligated to sustain my livelihood till I retire, irrespective, almost, of my contribution.)
Then, a few prospective matches are mentioned to me. The most considerate of those had factored my complexion - fair enough? The most irksome neither knew me nor the girl, but the families.
When a Thespian's acting prowess or linguistic fluency are neither inherited nor imbibed by his wannabe actor kids, a legendary singer's son can at best mimic his dad without recreating his old man's cachet, a dynast cannot match the rhetorical - leave alone the political - feats of his once overbearing forbears, why would the achievements and affiliations of my parents and grandparents irrefutably elucidate my personality?
If you share the exact perspective as your parents, despite all the inventions and discoveries, insights and epiphanies that graced the interim between their graduation and your schooling, you've come through a patently dysfunctional educational system. A system that forbade you to question, and scourged you into the procession - a traditional re-enactment of reach-me-down rigmarole, practised pending probe to be perfectly passed on to posterity.
I am, by no means, a champion rebel - roused by the revered Rand - set out to shake down the society's foundational beliefs. Yet, fortunately or otherwise, I do not subscribe to every creed endorsed in my family. So, if someone was to take an interest in me depending on their supposed knowledge - which in itself is likely to have gaps and gorges - of my family's faith and fears, of what is adored and what abhorred, of the prosperity pointed to by possessed property, then the person is bound to be prejudiced into having expectations of me that I may never fulfill. So much for the drill!
On occasion, abetted by the arguments of friends that the longevity of the word-of-mouth model is evidence of its efficacy and the infallible wisdom of the ancients, I have tried to talk myself into the understanding that marriage is perhaps more than the connubial connection of the two protagonists; it is perhaps a union of two families, justifying the perusal of pedigree. Half way through the thought, my mind tickles me into a titter: neither am I the Mughal emperor Akbar, nor is the lass the mythically charming Rajput princess!!
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