I have repeatedly tried to understand people around me, going against the guffaws of my gut which keeps telling me I'll never succeed. Whether the desire is innate or a mental crippling caused by too much of TV viewing, I am hung up on demystifying this exalted haze called Love, which supposedly brings people together and drives them away and cloaks almost everyone as an invisible aura. I have been listing questions I have on human bonds in general, but particularly on the till-death-do-us-apart companionship that most (or should that be some?) of us seem to crave. If you're a relationship veteran, or just gifted with insights on any of the following questions, please respond so that I may broaden my perspective. All comments, of course, are welcome. I would, however, request you to kindly spare the invective, unless it is involuntary and the product of an intoxication such as Love :)
- Why stick to a definition of good and bad that you've learnt even if it is being regularly challenged?
- Should you be open to the idea that these are fundamentally perceptions that need to be corrected from time to time, based on experience?
- How important is it to have an individual identity despite being in a relationship?
- Where does the I and and We begin?
- What could be the adverse effects of predicating your existence on a relationship? Would that harm your chances at contentment and deprive you of self-worth?
- Are compromises and changes you make to be made of your own will and without expectation, or as an investment, a loan that will be paid back by your partner in the form of some other compromise? Is there a balance book?
- What could possibly be the purpose of any human bonding? Is it fair to assume that an individual would want a companion who could primarily help him advance in the pursuit of his passions, and enable to him to amplify his inherent qualities so that he may excel?
- On a related note, most model love stories seem to highlight sacrifice. Is that a mere fancy, as is the mirage of selflessness?
- What drives commitment? That the other person is your pillar of strength, or you're the rock that they can cling to?
- On a related note, suppose you find that you can not aid - as negligible as this might be - your partner in their journey towards fulfilling their life's potential, and are perhaps holding them back from it too, would you still prioritize commitment over what might be best for your partner, viz., setting them free? Simply put, should you stick or split when you know your partner might be better off without you?
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